Victoria Noe

Award-winning Author, Speaker, Activist



Friend Grief and 9/11

Memories of 9/11

Memories of 9/11
Aug 30, 2016 by Victoria Noe

Fifteen years. It’s a long time, isn’t it?

It’s the time it takes to go from the labor/delivery room to sophomore year of high school.

Or from the start of the millennium to this year (Yes, I count from 2001, not 2000).

It’s hard for some of us to believe: 2016 marks the fifteenth anniversary of the terrorist attacks of September 11, 2001. But this year, as with every passing year, I realized just what that means: fewer and fewer people remember.

It means that if you’re a freshman in high school or younger, you weren’t alive then. It means if you’re a sophomore, junior or senior, you weren’t potty-trained. It means if you’re in college, you may have little...

Friend Grief Events - August

Friend Grief Events - August
Jul 19, 2016 by Victoria Noe
If you subscribe to my newsletter (and you can do that on the right-hand side of this page), this will be old news. If not, there’s a lot going on:


August 4 – I’m doing a reading and signing of my latest book Friend Grief and Men: Defying Stereotypes at Bureau of General Services/Queer Division bookstore, in the LGBT Center in New York. I’m focusing on the most talked-about chapter in the book, comparing military veterans to long-term survivors in the AIDS community. Joining me is fellow ACT UP/NY member Jim Eigo, whose story is included. That book and Friend Grief and AIDS: Thirty Years of Burying Our Friends will be available for purchase.

August 7 – Three of my books (Friend...

6 Things I Learned Writing the Friend Grief Books

6 Things I Learned Writing the Friend Grief Books
May 03, 2016 by Victoria Noe

As the Friend Grief series comes to a close, I started feeling a little pensive. It’s been a remarkable journey I could have never predicted, much less planned. So I wanted to share some of what I’ve learned, one thing for each book from last to first:

Friend Grief and Men: Defying Stereotypes. I began interviewing men secure in my sexist view that getting stories out of men would be like pulling teeth. I was wrong. So wrong. Incredibly wrong. None of the men I interviewed clammed up, though a couple were slow to open up. Some wanted to be interviewed. Some wanted to be interviewed a second time. All wanted to share...

9/11 + 14

9/11 + 14
Sep 08, 2015 by Victoria Noe
9/11 Memorial, NYC

Fourteen years is a long time. But this Friday marks fourteen years since the terror attacks of September 11, 2001.

If you’re reading this you probably remember that day. Maybe you heard about it on the radio, or someone woke you to say “Turn on your TV!”. Maybe your building was evacuated or your office shut down.

The cable networks have already started rerunning specials about the attacks, as if you could ever forget what happened that day. But the truth – to the surprise of many of us – is in the numbers.

Fourteen years means students who are in grade school or high school today don’t remember that day; in fact most of them...

Friend Grief and Reunions

Friend Grief and Reunions
Jul 15, 2015 by Victoria Noe
Roses at our mass

Summer is reunion time. I have friends who are preparing for their high school reunions.

My 45th was last month, and for the first time, I missed it. I helped organize the 6 year reunion (somehow the whole fifth year got away from us), and attended the 10th, 20th, 25th, 30th, 35th and 40th. Honestly, they’re a lot more fun as time goes on.

But at each reunion, we pause to remember classmates who had died. Sometimes the death is very recent; usually there’s been some time since it happened. If it’s someone we’ve lost touch with, it feels more shocking.

My 35th was the most emotional for me. My father – who adored the nuns...

Friend Grief Presentations

Friend Grief Presentations
Jul 07, 2015 by Victoria Noe

I attended a writers’ conference a few years ago. I was particularly looking forward to one presentation. The speaker – who shall remain nameless – was someone I’d been following for a while on Twitter. Occasionally sarcastic, his tweets were always entertaining and full of great tips. We gathered in the ballroom and he opened his mouth.

Not many speakers have ever disappointed me as much as he did. While his online persona was larger-than-life, in person he was the opposite. He rarely made eye contact with his audience as he read from his script. He could barely be heard, as he did not make good use of the microphone. Unlike some people, I stayed for the...

The End of the Friend Grief Series?

Oct 29, 2014 by Victoria Noe
Don’t get excited. It’s not happening tomorrow.When I made the decision to serialize what was originally one book I knew it would eventually end. I believed there would be six books in the series. That’s still my assumption. What’s changed is the subject of the sixth one.By now you know that I’ve published four books            Friend Grief and Anger: When Your Friend Dies and No One Gives A Damn            Friend Grief and AIDS: Thirty Years of Burying Our Friends            Friend Grief and 9/11: The Forgotten Mourners            Friend Grief and the Military: Band of FriendsThe fifth book, Friend Grief in the Workplace: More Than an Empty Cubicle, comes out in January (details will be announced in mid-December).I thought the sixth book...