Blog
9/11
The Buddhists and the Brits Commemorate 9/11
Sep 14, 2011 by Victoria Noe
Bagpipers and Pipe & Drum Corpsat the British GardensWhen most people think of 9/11 observances, they think first of New York, then Washington, then Pennsylvania. They think in terms of Americans remembering the loss of American lives. They think in terms of solemn, patriotic ceremonies, naming the names of those who died; perhaps displaying those names on programs or engraving them in stone. They wave American flags and banners.And while it’s true that most of those who died that day were American citizens, the victims represented 93 countries.The British, to no one’s surprise, conduct a formal ceremony in a tiny slip of park in the middle of Wall Street, called the British Garden (now renamed the Queen Elizabeth 2 Commemorative...
Ground Zero - 10 Years Later
Sep 12, 2011 by Victoria Noe
British & Canadian police officersat Ground Zero“Everything’s different this year.”I wish I had a dollar for every time I said or thought those words, or heard them from someone else yesterday. The anniversary brought many changes to the ceremonies, restrictions and mood.I was at the corner of Liberty & Trinity for the naming ceremony. I didn’t stay for the whole thing; I was there to listen for my classmate’s name. Last year, I realized it had always been mispronounced, and made it my goal for the 10th anniversary to make sure that was corrected.When I heard her name - pronounced correctly - I started to laugh. But instead a sob caught in my throat. It was all I could do...
FROM ONE TO ELEVEN: The Essence of Grief by Damon DiMarco
Sep 11, 2011 by Victoria Noe
Bring them back, God, please bring them back. This is the essence of grief. Not the secret we shared with a lover, divulged, or the song we composed, which the critics destroyed, or long holes torn in the silk of our souls. It’s the truth that you can’t bring them back. I will never forget there are men who fight fires. Or faces that smiled in the hallways, the stairs. Or clerks who vowed to remain at their desks until even their bosses get out.And I want you to bring them back now, God. I want you to please bring them back. Here are some items we found. Look here. This shoe. This pen. This piece of debris. We cherish...
The Arts and 9/11: "110 Stories"
Sep 10, 2011 by Victoria Noe
2,753 empty chairs in Bryant ParkTwo nights.Two plays.Same subject.But as is typical in any art form, two completely different approaches.On Friday night I saw Sarah Tuft’s play, 110 Stories, which benefited the New York Says Thank You Foundation. There were some pretty serious problems at the location that delayed the start of the show for over an hour, but there were also some very stark difference between 110 Stories and The Guys, which I saw Thursday night.Unlike that play, which had only two characters, 110 Stories presents introduces you to 30 people from all walks of life who were at Ground Zero on that day, or involved in the recovery effort. Also a staged reading, the characters were portrayed by...
The Arts and 9/11: "The Guys"
Sep 09, 2011 by Victoria Noe
From the original production Last night I attended a performance of Anne Nelson’s beautiful play, The Guys, starring Sigourney Weaver and Tom Wopat, benefitting the FDNY Foundation.A deceptively simple premise based on the playwright’s personal experience, The Guys tells of a meeting between Joan, an editor, and Nick, an FDNY fire captain. Nick lost 8 men on 9/11, and a week later, needs help writing eulogies for the first four services.The language is real and funny and gut-wrenching, sometimes all at once. Joan gradually draws out stories of each man, as Nick struggles with his grief for his guys, and survivor guilt (he switched shifts with his best friend).He rails against the hero status each has acquired, arguing that...
Tourism and Souvenirs: 9/11-style
Sep 08, 2011 by Victoria Noe
9/11 Lottery BallsThis is a picture of my “favorite” 9/11-related offense last year: people dressed as a firefighter and police officer lottery balls. They were on a corner a couple blocks from Ground Zero while the Naming Ceremony was going on, and people were posing for pictures with them.Any holiday or important date seems to be fair game for exploitation. We see Martin Luther King weekend mattress sales, after all. Ground Zero may be considered hallowed ground, but the event itself is often used in a disrespectful and purely mercenary way.I’m of two minds here. Many excellent books have been written about the attacks, heroism and recovery efforts: Requiem by Gary Suson, Firehouse by David Halberstam, and of course Tower...
Friend Grief and the 10th Anniversary of 9/11
Sep 05, 2011 by Victoria Noe
And now, as they say, a programming note: I will be writing from New York City starting September 7th, on the 10th anniversary observances of 9/11. I’m there for two reasons: First, one chapter in my book covers people who lost friends on 9/11; some of those stories also pop up elsewhere in the book. Second, one of my high school classmates died in the South Tower, and I’m going to hear her name read at the Naming Ceremony (hopefully, pronounced correctly this year), and to see her name engraved on the new 9/11 Memorial.I’ll be looking at the anniversary from a number of different perspectives: how the arts and different faiths are observing it, for example. You can expect...
Commemorating 9/11 Isn’t for Everyone
Aug 26, 2011 by Victoria Noe
I remember when 9/11 happened. I was glued to the TV, watching everything, read everything, trying to understand what had happened. Others watched nothing, read no articles. The 10th anniversary of the September 11 attacks is fast approaching. Television will be saturated with reruns of original programming from that day and new retrospectives. Reports on the building of the new Tower One, and the 9/11 Memorial and Museum have already appeared in newspapers. Books are being re-reprinted, and new ones are coming out in time for the anniversary.But not everyone wants to remember.Families, friends, survivors, even those with no connection to the losses of that day may want to ignore the whole thing.For some, it’s dwelling in the past, on...
Hierarchies of 9/11 Grief
Aug 17, 2011 by Victoria Noe
Ground Zero Museum (14th St.)
There is a lot of talk these days about the changes in the observances at Ground Zero this year, for the 10th anniversary.It’s a significant anniversary, not just because 10 is a special number, whether it’s a birthday or anniversary. The new 9/11 Memorial, on the footprints of the Twin Towers, opens that day (the underground Museum won’t open for another year). Because of those things, changes have been made, and it seems no one is happy about them. Although it’s been alleged that they’ve never before been officially invited, survivors and first responders have been told there is no room for them this year. It will be families only along with a...
The Silly Things You Remember about Your Friends
Aug 16, 2011 by Victoria Noe
Last night I was working on something I’d promised to the Voices of September 11 people. That’s the organization compiling a digital archive for each victim of the 9/11 attacks. One of my high school classmates, Carol, died in the South Tower, and I’ve become the contact person for our class. I visited the Voices office in New Canaan, Connecticut, in May, to deliver some remembrances and discuss what else we would contribute. One of those things was my memory of attending an interfaith service at Holy Name Cathedral in Chicago a few days after the attacks:As I waited, I called home for messages, and had one, from another classmate, Ann.At that point, I had known her for 35 years....
Dreading Anniversaries – 9/11
Aug 11, 2011 by Victoria Noe
With a month to go before the 10th anniversary of the September 11 attacks, the media is gearing up for what promises to be saturation coverage.Memorial events – some annual, some special for this year – are being announced in New York, Washington, DC, and Pennsylvania.Politicians will invoke the attacks and the bravery of first responders, and try to link themselves to the courage shown on that day.News specials – reruns of documentaries from those early days as well as new programs – are being announced for networks and cable channels.President Obama has declared September 11 to be a National Day of Service, so communities around the country are not only planning commemorations, but activities to focus on positive action.I...
Naming Names: The 9/11 Memorial
Jul 11, 2011 by Victoria Noe
Northeast Corner of the South Pool I’m old enough to remember the very heated controversy over Maya Lin’s Vietnam Memorial design: the names of the dead etched in stark, black stone. How depressing! How disrespectful! Now, its “naming” focus is one that is copied the world over, including the new 9/11 Memorial, opening to the public on September 12. I visited “The Wall” in 1988. The Vietnam War shaped my youth, particularly high school and college. I stopped at the kiosk, got my paper and pencil, made a donation and set off to find the names of the two guys I’d grown up with. It had been 20 years since Ernie Sanazaro died, but it was still surprising to...
Giving a Eulogy for Your Friend – Fr. Michael Duffy
Jun 24, 2011 by Victoria Noe
I’ve never been called upon to give a eulogy for a friend. I wrote the eulogy a hospice chaplain read for my father’s funeral. I’ve made remarks at friends’ memorial services. But I’ve never given a formal eulogy: never stood up in front of a gathering of mourners, script in hand, before a microphone, praying for strength.The photo here is one of the most iconic images of September 11, 2001. Fr. Mychal Judge was a New York City fire department chaplain. He died ministering at the World Trade Center. His funeral, at St. Francis of Assisi Church on West 31st Street four days later, was nationally televised. Franciscans are required to leave instructions “in the event of” their death, and...
Objects Speak
Jun 03, 2011 by Victoria Noe
This is a picture of a scarf that belonged to my friend, Delle. She had quite a collection of scarves. Tall and vivacious, she wore them with style, unlike those of us who struggle tying them.At the gathering after her funeral mass, those attending received “goodie bags”: a blue paper bag, with her photo on the side, with one of her scarves inside. I remember making my selection very carefully, and choosing this one. I wanted something of her, some piece of her. Its bright blues and reds and purples were familiar to me, and comforting. When I wear it, I say I’m “taking Delle with me.”Delle has traveled with me to Missouri and New York, California and Kentucky. She...
Friends Grieving All Around Us
May 27, 2011 by Victoria Noe
There are stretches of time when it feels like there is no good news in the world. Tornadoes, earthquakes, accidents, war, floods…the bad news is relentless.I’ve been in New York for the past week, at Book Expo America and conducting research and interviews for my book. It was intense and exhilarating and exhausting. So was the news: *The search for loved ones in the aftermath of killer tornadoes in the Midwest.*A New York City firefighter, a survivor of 9/11 who never got over the guilt of surviving his brother firefighters in the Deutsche Bank fire, committed suicide.*A sailor just arrived in NYC that day for Fleet Week, was struck and killed by a car on the West Side Highway.Obviously,...
Flashbacks of 9/11
May 12, 2011 by Victoria Noe
Photo courtesy Taunton Gazette The news earlier this month about the death of Osama bin Laden wasn’t entirely good news.I found that every person I talked to about this – without exception – shared some memory of that day almost 10 years ago.Sometimes it was as innocuous as “so-and-so was supposed to be there for a meeting, remember?”Sometimes it was “we really didn’t understand what was going on” (from my daughter, who was 7 at the time).But sometimes the feelings were raw, as raw as they were that day. The comments were passionate and full of a pain that has not eased, even after all this time.Rather than bring “closure” (that word again), the death of bin Laden stirred...
The Myth of Closure - Part 3
May 06, 2011 by Victoria Noe
It's been quite a week, hasn't it?I’ve been talking to a lot of people this week about closure, as it applies – or doesn’t – to the death of Osama bin Laden.The word has been bandied about in newspapers, blogs, Facebook, Twitter and every news program on TV. My “research” has gleaned the following observations:1. Closure does not end grief.2. Justice does not ultimately equal closure.3. Those who speak most emphatically about closure tend to be observers to the situation, rather than directly affected.4. Those who are most directly affected by 9/11 don’t all see bin Laden’s death as closure.5. Believing there is closure makes people feel better, because they think they will no longer have to witness grief.6. Closure...
The Myth of Closure - Part 2
May 05, 2011 by Victoria Noe
Firefighter's PewSt. Paul's Chapel near Ground Zero“I hope it brings some comfort to the families. No closure. That word should be stricken from the English language.” - Lee Ielpi, whose son, Jonathan, a firefighter from Queens, died on 9/11 (quoted in the May 3, 2011 New York Times).Much is made of the concept of closure. We’ve been told that certain things – an anniversary, a verdict, a discovery – can somehow end grief. Closure is considered the act of putting a period at the end of the sentence of grief. Except there’s no such thing. The death of Osama bin Laden has been heralded as closure for those who lost family and friends on 9/11, the end of the grieving....
The Myth of Closure
May 02, 2011 by Victoria Noe
“Closure: the sense of finality and coming to terms with an experience, felt or experienced over time.” – Encarta Dictionary“Closure” is a word frequently invoked in grief-related literature. Events are said to bring “closure” to people who grieve: discovery of remains, burial, 1st anniversaries, etc.But the news of the death of Osama bin Laden may only be initially considered closure.Certainly, the death of the most wanted terrorist in the world is a cause for celebration, even not knowing how other terrorist organizations will respond.But for those who lost family or friends on 9/11, there is no closure.Osama bin Laden is dead, but so are their loved ones.Don’t assume everyone is happy and “all right” now. Don’t assume the grieving is...
9/11 - When the Therapists Needed Therapists
Apr 11, 2011 by Victoria Noe
"Firefighter Pew" at St. Paul's Chapel, near Ground Zero Karen M. Seeley’s book, Therapy after Terror: 9/11, Psychotherapists, and Mental Health,(Cambridge, UK: Cambridge University Press, 2008) explores a relatively invisible group of September 11 survivors: therapists.New York City was overwhelmed by the need for mental health professionals to help survivors and witnesses cope with the horror of the attacks. To their credit, many came forward in the city as well as from other parts of the country. But helping those who grieve after a terror attack presented challenges never before considered.Most of the therapists were “outsiders”. Firefighters, already a tight-knit, closed society, were unwilling to talk to anyone outside of the department (assuming they talked at all). Unless you...
