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9/11
A Long Time Ago and Yesterday
Sep 06, 2016 by Victoria Noe
That's how someone described 9/11 to me today: a long time ago and yesterday.
There are moments that are like that. They seem so long ago it's hard to summon specific memories. But at the same time, they feel like they just happened.
Instead of writing about it again, I decided to share this post from writer Damon DiMarco. I'd just read his book about 9/11 when I (almost literally) ran into him at Book Expo America in 2011. He graciously agreed to write this for my blog for the 10th anniversary. It still resonates today.
From One to Eleven: The Essence of Grief Bring them back, God, please bring them back. This is the essence of grief. Not the secret we shared with a...
There are moments that are like that. They seem so long ago it's hard to summon specific memories. But at the same time, they feel like they just happened.
Instead of writing about it again, I decided to share this post from writer Damon DiMarco. I'd just read his book about 9/11 when I (almost literally) ran into him at Book Expo America in 2011. He graciously agreed to write this for my blog for the 10th anniversary. It still resonates today.
From One to Eleven: The Essence of Grief Bring them back, God, please bring them back. This is the essence of grief. Not the secret we shared with a...
Memories of 9/11
Aug 30, 2016 by Victoria Noe
TauntonGazette.com
Fifteen years. It’s a long time, isn’t it?
It’s the time it takes to go from the labor/delivery room to sophomore year of high school.
Or from the start of the millennium to this year (Yes, I count from 2001, not 2000).
It’s hard for some of us to believe: 2016 marks the fifteenth anniversary of the terrorist attacks of September 11, 2001. But this year, as with every passing year, I realized just what that means: fewer and fewer people remember.
It means that if you’re a freshman in high school or younger, you weren’t alive then. It means if you’re a sophomore, junior or senior, you weren’t potty-trained. It means if you’re in college, you may have little...
Fifteen years. It’s a long time, isn’t it?
It’s the time it takes to go from the labor/delivery room to sophomore year of high school.
Or from the start of the millennium to this year (Yes, I count from 2001, not 2000).
It’s hard for some of us to believe: 2016 marks the fifteenth anniversary of the terrorist attacks of September 11, 2001. But this year, as with every passing year, I realized just what that means: fewer and fewer people remember.
It means that if you’re a freshman in high school or younger, you weren’t alive then. It means if you’re a sophomore, junior or senior, you weren’t potty-trained. It means if you’re in college, you may have little...
9/11 + 14
Sep 08, 2015 by Victoria Noe
9/11 Memorial, NYC
Fourteen years is a long time. But this Friday marks fourteen years since the terror attacks of September 11, 2001.
If you’re reading this you probably remember that day. Maybe you heard about it on the radio, or someone woke you to say “Turn on your TV!”. Maybe your building was evacuated or your office shut down.
The cable networks have already started rerunning specials about the attacks, as if you could ever forget what happened that day. But the truth – to the surprise of many of us – is in the numbers.
Fourteen years means students who are in grade school or high school today don’t remember that day; in fact most of them...
Fourteen years is a long time. But this Friday marks fourteen years since the terror attacks of September 11, 2001.
If you’re reading this you probably remember that day. Maybe you heard about it on the radio, or someone woke you to say “Turn on your TV!”. Maybe your building was evacuated or your office shut down.
The cable networks have already started rerunning specials about the attacks, as if you could ever forget what happened that day. But the truth – to the surprise of many of us – is in the numbers.
Fourteen years means students who are in grade school or high school today don’t remember that day; in fact most of them...
Friends Shut Out on 9/11
Sep 12, 2014 by Victoria Noe
Across from Zuccotti ParkYesterday was the 13th anniversary of the 9/11 attacks. I've attended the observances in New York twice: the 9th and 10th anniversaries. This year, I attended again. And my, how things have changed.On the two previous occasions I was here on 9/11, there were accommodations for the general public (i.e., anyone not a family member): loudspeakers on Broadway and around the site so the crowds could hear the prayers and names read. On the 10th anniversary, Jumbotrons were set up so we could watch, as well. This year...not so much.As is my habit, I got down the lower Manhattan early, so I could scope out what was going on. I had to keep reminding myself that I...
"We Don't Grieve Well Alone"
Sep 11, 2014 by Victoria Noe
Former NY Giant George Martin and me at the Information ForumYesterday I spent the day at the Voices of September 11 Information Forum at the Marriott Hotel across from the 9/11 Memorial and Museum.It's an intense day of panel discussions for families, first responders, community members and medical professionals on a wide variety of topics: the treatment of complicated grief, cancer treatment information, updates on the Zadroga fund reauthorization.As people considered buying my book - and thanks to all of them - every one volunteered information: "I'm a survivor". "My husband lost a lot of friends." "My buddy only got down from 83 to 43 because he was helping people get out." Once again, the willingness of people to tell their stories...
This Year – and Next - in Friend Grief
Dec 27, 2013 by Victoria Noe
Those of you who have been following my blog for a while know that this has been quite a year. I think we all have the tendency to look back in late December, and cringe at the thought of all we’d planned to do but didn’t. I started to do that not long ago, but had to stop myself. I was looking at only one part of my goals for this year, and in that category I definitely came up short: I self-published three books instead of six. Yeah, I know, I was a bit too optimistic. But what surprised me more than anything was what I accomplished that was not on my list. And I’ll tell you right now,...
Celebrating on 9/11?
Sep 11, 2013 by Victoria Noe
It feels a little odd to be happy on September 11.Don’t get me wrong, I don’t think the world should stop spinning today. People should go to work and school, do their grocery shopping, eat birthday cake (the biggest piece, with the rose on it).But today is the release of the third book in my Friend Grief series, Friend Grief and 9/11: The Forgotten Mourners. As I tweeted to a friend yesterday, I’m not always happy with what I write, but I’m happy with and proud of this book.It turned out a little differently than I expected. It has turned into an advocacy piece, because of the people I interviewed and learned about.The 9/11 Memorial – a beautiful place everyone...
The Next Friend Grief Book
Sep 03, 2013 by Victoria Noe
“Families only.”Those who were killed on September 11, 2001 left behind more than family members. They left thousands of friends who are often forgotten and ignored: co-workers, first responders, neighbors and survivors who struggle to find a way to grieve the friends killed when the World Trade Center towers fell. In Friend Grief and 9/11: The Forgotten Mourners you’ll learn how they adjust to life without their friends and find ways to honor those they lost on a clear, blue Tuesday. It’s been two years since I wrote a post hereabout what became the basis of this book: the hierarchy of grief in the 9/11 community. But let’s be honest: does the world need another book about 9/11? As it turns...
What’s New on Friend Grief?
Aug 27, 2013 by Victoria Noe
I always considered the first day of school to be more like the start of a new year than January 1st: lots of new beginnings and excitement (not to mention shopping for new clothes and supplies). There is certainly a lot of excitement here (though not much shopping)! So, I thought I’d bring you up to date on what’s coming up with Friend Grief in the next month:1. I’ll be a guest on Madeline Sharples’ websitetomorrow, August 28, talking about how my writing made me an activist - again.2. Through Labor Day, I’ll donate 25% of the price of the paperback and e-book versions of the second book in the Friend Griefseries, Friend Grief and AIDS: Thirty Years of Burying Our...
What Could Be Worse Than A Friend’s Death?
Jul 25, 2013 by Victoria Noe
Surviving. Of course we survive. We wouldn’t be here to grieve our friends if we weren’t alive. Sometimes the depth of that grief takes us by surprise, which is one of the reasons why I started this blog and my books.But when I started writing about grieving the death of a friend, I didn’t expect to find that survivor guilt plays such a huge role in the lives of many people.While researching the second book in my series, Friend Grief and AIDS: Thirty Years of Burying Our Friends, I learned that one of the biggest issues for long-time HIV+ men is survivor guilt. Like me, they lost a lot of friends: dozens, even hundreds. But because of luck or...
Friend Grief Wants You
Mar 12, 2013 by Victoria Noe
gabrielweinberg.comI’m currently researching and interviewing people for books in the Friend Grief series. Many of you have stories about grieving a friend, stories that are important – not just to you, but to others. Your experience can help other people who are struggling with their own grief, often in private because those around them don’t understand.I’m looking for people in the following situations: You’re active duty military or a veteran and a comrade died. You’re a first responder and one of your co-workers died.You live in a religious community (convent, monastery, etc.) and one of your members died.A friend of yours died on 9/11 (you don’t have to be a co-worker or survivor of the attacks). A friend you...
Friend Grief and Survivor Guilt
Jan 25, 2013 by Victoria Noe
realwarriors.netIt’s a situation no one wants to find themselves in, but if you are a first responder or in the military, it’s likely. For some unfortunate people who are not in those professions, it can be even more devastating. In David Halberstam’s book The Firehouse, he recounts the story of his neighborhood firehouse, near Lincoln Center on New York’s upper west side. On September 11, 2001, thirteen firefighters raced to the scene of the World Trade Center attack. One returned. The only reason he survived is that a photographer saw his arm sticking out of the rubble at Ground Zero. Not only did he suffer from guilt, but some people hated him for surviving: why him and not one...
Another Clear Blue Tuesday
Sep 11, 2012 by Victoria Noe
The past two years on September 11, I was in New York for the observances. Mostly it was research, for that chapter in the book I’m writing. Partly it was personal: a high school classmate died in the South Tower.One of the things that struck me last year was the determination of people from around the world – mostly first responders – to come to New York at their own expense on the anniversary. I spoke to a young police officer from Toronto, who was there for the seventh time, and met firefighters from as far away as Australia. Without exception, they considered it a duty and an honor to be there.It feels strange not being there. This year my...
"Bury His Heart, But Not His Love"
Jun 26, 2012 by Victoria Noe
Shannon Stapleton/Reuters/LandovWe'll continue contsidering how people honor the memory of their friend by taking another look at one of the most popular posts on Friend Grief. It's a look back at the eulogy given for Fr. Mychal Judge, FDNY chaplain who died on 9/11. Giving the eulogy was not something his friend planned to do, but he certainly rose to the occasion:I've never been called upon to give a eulogy for a friend. I wrote the eulogy a hospice chaplain read for my father’s funeral. I’ve made remarks at friends’ memorial services. But I’ve never given a formal eulogy: never stood up in front of a gathering of mourners, script in hand, before a microphone, praying for strength.The photo here is one...
Survivor Guilt
Apr 12, 2012 by Victoria Noe
St. Paul's Chapel near Ground ZeroPerhaps because I’m in New York right now, or because I’m re-visiting the 9/11 Memorial this evening, I had survivor guilt on my mind.This is a post from last year that looks at how guilt – and anger – complicate grief for your friend.In keeping with what turned out to be a week of considering anger’s role in grief, I thought I’d turn to one of the triggers for anger: survivor guilt.The research for my book has provided a glimpse into some typically closed societies, among them military and firefighters. Both are groups charged with keeping us safe, both are groups whose jobs are so dangerous they know every day is potentially their last.The people...
Reminders of Your Friends
Mar 19, 2012 by Victoria Noe
It's just stuff, right?Since I wrote this post last year, I've paid a little more attention to "stuff": this despite the fact that I'm at an age where I'd dearly love to get rid of a lot of "stuff".But these are things that remind me of friends who have died. Most often, they're photos, but sometimes they're gifts I received from them, or souvenirs from a night on the town. One is a note she wrote in high school. I can't help but think of them when I see and touch those things.Maybe this will remind you of something you have that reminds you of your friend:This is a picture of a scarf that belonged to my friend, Delle....
Writing about Grief Gets to You, Too
Feb 20, 2012 by Victoria Noe
The "Survivor Tree" at Ground ZeroI’ve had interesting reactions when I tell people I’m writing about the experience of grieving the death of a friend. “Oh…that’s depressing…”I insist they’re – mostly – wrong, and truly, I believe it.But there are times when you want to rush the grieving process along, when it wears on you, when it seems as though it will never end.I’ve found the same thing goes for reading and writing about it. You think it won’t affect you. But it does.One of the hardest – though not the hardest – topic I’ve written about here and in my book is 9/11. It’s not because I knew someone who died that day; I was mistaken in thinking that...
9/11: Are We Done With This Yet?
Jan 11, 2012 by Victoria Noe
"Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close"Around the time of the 10th anniversary of 9/11, several major newspapers - including the Chicago Tribune and New York Times - took a look at the response of the arts communities to 9/11. The results were varied and somewhat disappointing.The authors of the articles wondered aloud why there were no iconic plays - like Rent - or films - like Philadelphia - which addressed the AIDS epidemic. There’s no shortage of documentaries: the building of the World Trade Center, the attacks, the search for bin Laden, the “truth”. But that’s different. Even Paul McCartney’s 9/11-inspired song “Freedom” fell flat. Why?Grief is a complicated thing. For those directly affected by 9/11 - friends and family -...
Remembering Your Friends…In a Eulogy
Jan 06, 2012 by Victoria Noe
This week I said that we’d be looking at some of the many ways we can remember a friend who has died. One way is through words, specifically in their eulogy. I’ve been to too many funerals where the minister didn’t know the deceased at all, and that never fails to make me angry. What is the purpose of a eulogy? If the purpose is to make total strangers feel they knew that person, then in this re-post from June, Fr. Duffy succeeded. If he wanted us all to remember Fr. Judge for years to come, well, I think he succeeded there, too:I’ve never been called upon to give a eulogy for a friend. I wrote the eulogy a hospice...
Friend Grief and Closure for 2011
Dec 30, 2011 by Victoria Noe
In my last blog post of this amazing year, I thought I’d revisit a topic that came up a few months ago. Last May, after the death of Osama bin Laden, I wrote about what I called “the myth of closure”. It’s supposed to be something you aspire to, but it often feels just out of reach: because it may never be possible.“Closure: the sense of finality and coming to terms with an experience, felt or experienced over time.” – Encarta Dictionary“Closure” is a word frequently invoked in grief-related literature. Events are said to bring “closure” to people who grieve: discovery of remains, burial, 1st anniversaries, etc.But the news of the death of Osama bin Laden may only be initially...
