Victoria Noe

Award-winning Author, Speaker, Activist

What Do You Miss the Most?

When you think about a friend who has died, what do you miss the most?

Maybe you went to school together, and you miss passing notes in class.

Maybe you worked together, and you miss getting to know each other over shared projects.

Maybe you were neighbors, and you miss knowing they were right there next door, a safety net and comforting presence.

Maybe you traveled together, and you miss exploring, getting lost and having adventures only the two of you could possibly appreciate.

Maybe you only knew them online, and they died before you had the chance to meet them face to face.

Maybe you hadn’t seen them in years – decades, even – and wonder now why you didn’t make the effort to get together.

Every person who comes into our lives touches us in some way, good or bad (sometimes both). We gravitate towards friendship for different reasons: maybe shared interests, or a happy accident of time and geography.

So it makes sense that we grieve each friend differently.

When I think of Steve, I miss his sweetness, and dancing with him at a black-tie dinner.

When I think of Carol, I miss her no-nonsense approach to everything, stopping my excuses with a raised eyebrow.

When I think of Delle, I miss our impassioned discussions over green tea after dropping our daughters off at school.

Different friends, different memories, different grief.

What do you miss the most about your friends?