Victoria Noe

Award-winning Author, Speaker, Activist

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Friend Grief and Closure for 2011

Friend Grief and Closure for 2011
Dec 30, 2011 by Victoria Noe
In my last blog post of this amazing year, I thought I’d revisit a topic that came up a few months ago. Last May, after the death of Osama bin Laden, I wrote about what I called “the myth of closure”. It’s supposed to be something you aspire to, but it often feels just out of reach: because it may never be possible.“Closure: the sense of finality and coming to terms with an experience, felt or experienced over time.” – Encarta Dictionary“Closure” is a word frequently invoked in grief-related literature. Events are said to bring “closure” to people who grieve: discovery of remains, burial, 1st anniversaries, etc.But the news of the death of Osama bin Laden may only be initially...

The Myth of Closure - Part 3

The Myth of Closure - Part 3
May 06, 2011 by Victoria Noe
It's been quite a week, hasn't it?I’ve been talking to a lot of people this week about closure, as it applies – or doesn’t – to the death of Osama bin Laden.The word has been bandied about in newspapers, blogs, Facebook, Twitter and every news program on TV. My “research” has gleaned the following observations:1.      Closure does not end grief.2.      Justice does not ultimately equal closure.3.      Those who speak most emphatically about closure tend to be observers to the situation, rather than directly affected.4.      Those who are most directly affected by 9/11 don’t all see bin Laden’s death as closure.5.      Believing there is closure makes people feel better, because they think they will no longer have to witness grief.6.      Closure...

The Myth of Closure - Part 2

The Myth of Closure - Part 2
May 05, 2011 by Victoria Noe
Firefighter's PewSt. Paul's Chapel near Ground Zero“I hope it brings some comfort to the families. No closure. That word should be stricken from the English language.” - Lee Ielpi, whose son, Jonathan, a firefighter from Queens, died on 9/11 (quoted in the May 3, 2011 New York Times).Much is made of the concept of closure. We’ve been told that certain things – an anniversary, a verdict, a discovery – can somehow end grief. Closure is considered the act of putting a period at the end of the sentence of grief.  Except there’s no such thing. The death of Osama bin Laden has been heralded as closure for those who lost family and friends on 9/11, the end of the grieving....

The Myth of Closure

The Myth of Closure
May 02, 2011 by Victoria Noe
“Closure: the sense of finality and coming to terms with an experience, felt or experienced over time.” – Encarta Dictionary“Closure” is a word frequently invoked in grief-related literature. Events are said to bring “closure” to people who grieve: discovery of remains, burial, 1st anniversaries, etc.But the news of the death of Osama bin Laden may only be initially considered closure.Certainly, the death of the most wanted terrorist in the world is a cause for celebration, even not knowing how other terrorist organizations will respond.But for those who lost family or friends on 9/11, there is no closure.Osama bin Laden is dead, but so are their loved ones.Don’t assume everyone is happy and “all right” now. Don’t assume the grieving is...

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