Victoria Noe

Award-winning Author, Speaker, Activist

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stages of grief

Friend Grief as Pinball Game

Friend Grief as Pinball Game
Sep 27, 2012 by Victoria Noe
Most people are familiar with Elisabeth Kubler-Ross’s famous stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. She herself acknowledged that those who are dying (the original study members) and their survivors may not follow these stages in exact order. But as time has passed since her 1969 book On Death and Dying, society has adopted these five stages as gospel. They’ve been co-opted to explain the feelings of fans after their favorite sports team is eliminated from post-season play, or a TV show is cancelled. It’s only recently that the medical community has questioned those stages.From my own experience, I’d say they’re pretty accurate. But grief – mine included - is rarely neat and linear.Baylor University’s press release...

Why Anger and Grief Go Together

Why Anger and Grief Go Together
Oct 12, 2011 by Victoria Noe
 EvilMilk.com My posts on anger and grief - and my guest blog on Memoir Writer's Journey - have brought out some pretty emotional responses.It’s hard to tell, sometimes, just what people reading my blog are thinking. Most posts don’t inspire a lot of comments, either on or off the site. But anger has been one of those topics that had really resonated with people.I think the comment - off-line - that stuck with me was the woman who thanked me for giving her permission to be angry.Imagine: a grown woman who needed a stranger’s permission to feel angry.Why wouldn’t you feel angry if your friend is dead? Yes, of course you’re sad. You feel a hole in your heart...

Friend Grief and Anger

Friend Grief and Anger
Sep 29, 2011 by Victoria Noe
Anger can be unattractive, there’s no question about it. It’s messy and unpredictable, sometimes loud and violent. And in a world where we like things to make sense, it’s often unacceptable. But never more than when you’re grieving. There’s a long list of people we can be angry with:The person who died: why didn’t they take better care of themselves? Why did they take such a stupid chance? What were they thinking?The medical community: why didn’t the doctor force them to take better care of their health? Why didn’t the paramedics get there sooner? Why hasn’t someone discovered a cure for cancer, etc.?God: why did you make a good person suffer? Why did you leave those children without a parent?...

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