Victoria Noe

Award-winning Author, Speaker, Activist

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In Memoriam

In Memoriam
Dec 19, 2018 by Victoria Noe
Around the middle of December - and on awards shows throughout the year - various organizations solemnly share their list of prominent people who died in the previous twelve months. Often we forget about someone who died early in the year. We rate the list, using it to gauge just how bad a year it was. Some years the sense of loss is overwhelming. This has been one of those years, and not just for me.

My mother died in March, but I’m not alone in experiencing that kind of grief this year.

There was Peter’s father and Sandra’s mother. John’s mother and Sarah’s mother. Jackie’s father and Fred’s mother. Kathy’s cousin and mother both died within two weeks time.

My husband is...

Books for the Special People on Your Holiday List: Part 2

Books for the Special People on Your Holiday List: Part 2
Dec 14, 2017 by Victoria Noe
Last week I offered some shopping suggestions for the hard-to-buy people on your list. All turned out to be nonfiction and memoir by women. This week’s list is equally eclectic, with books by men and women this time.

For your writing group leader, who always begins your meetings with a writing prompt - Question of the Day: Where Truth is the Dare by Al Katkowsky

 

 

 

 

 

 

For the theatre fan in your life, as well as the person who can’t read enough history - Hamilton: The Revolution by Jeremy McCarter and Lin-Manuel Miranda

 

 

 

 

 

For nonfiction writers at all phases of their careers - Draft No. 4: On the Writing Process by John McPhee

 

 

 

 

 

For anyone curious about the experience of Muslim immigrants to the US, a very...

Grief, Loss and The Hallmark Channel

Grief, Loss and The Hallmark Channel
Jan 04, 2017 by Victoria Noe
Normally after a traumatic event I try to make sense of it. After 9/11 I was glued to the TV, watching everything trying to understand what was impossible to understand. But after the Pulse nightclub massacre in Orlando last June that left 49 people dead, I couldn’t watch anything on the news. Not a thing. So I did something I’d never done before:

I watched a Hallmark Channel movie. Actually, I watched a lot of them because there are actually two Hallmark Channels (one is Movies and Mysteries).

There was a certain comfort in the predictability: no violence to speak of. Dead bodies were remarkably intact, no blood or missing limbs. The plots of what were mostly mysteries were easily solved in...

'Tis the Season for Writing and Giving

'Tis the Season for Writing and Giving
Nov 30, 2016 by Victoria Noe
It’s that time of year for shopping and digging a little deeper to support worthy causes.

The appeals are relentless: junk mail, phone calls, emails, tweets and Facebook posts. Every day, starting in earnest at Thanksgiving and not letting up until New Year’s Eve. As a former fundraiser, I’ve learned over the years to ignore most of those appeals.

But the truth is, most people really do want to help. And every donation helps.

Early on in the writing of the Friend Grief series, I knew I wanted to designate a charity partner for at least one of the books. I researched organizations, met with a few of their founders. One decision came easily.

The second book –Friend Grief and AIDS: Thirty Years of...

Holidays and Friend Grief

Holidays and Friend Grief
Nov 22, 2016 by Victoria Noe
It's been a tough year, as I wrote last week. Many of us lost friends and the holidays are not always kind for those who grieve. So I'm sharing this post from 2012 as a reminder to take care of ourselves and keep our friendships in our hearts:

I hated the holidays – Thanksgiving through Valentine’s Day – when I was single and not dating. I felt like it was the annual reminder from the universe that I was alone. Everyone had someone during the holidays except me. At least that’s what it felt like.

It’s hard to lose a friend, whether they were our best friend, a co-worker, a neighbor, the girl whose locker was next to ours. The holidays are...

Thankful for Our Friends – Here and Gone

Thankful for Our Friends – Here and Gone
Nov 25, 2014 by Victoria Noe
The holidays are a difficult time for those who grieve.Even under normal circumstances, we feel obligated to be happy, to enjoy ourselves, to crave the company of others. But for those who have suffered the loss of a friend, it’s tough to get in the holiday spirit.We often hear that this time of year is for family. I think we all agree that we like to reconnect with friends, as well. I look forward to seeing friends from high school – often the only time all year we can sit together in one place and catch up on our lives. Next year we’ll have a reunion, but since we lost a classmate on 9/11, we don’t wait around for the...

Friend Grief and the Holidays

Friend Grief and the Holidays
Nov 03, 2014 by Victoria Noe
Now that we’re past Halloween, the holidays are upon us. You may not be ready, but they’re coming anyway. For the first time in a long time, I will have my Christmas shopping done before Thanksgiving. But that was a self-defense decision, as I have an unusual amount of holiday commitments this year.This may be a year in which you’ve lost a friend – or more than one. We tend to think of grieving during the holidays in the context of losing a family member. That’s often the case. It’s been forty years since my uncle died in a car accident less than two weeks before Christmas. There was not much to celebrate that year. Even when a death occurs...

Friends, Calendars and Facebook

Friends, Calendars and Facebook
Dec 24, 2013 by Victoria Noe
Happy birthday, MareI used to be very diligent about recording birthdays on my calendar. Every year, I’d get a new datebook and wall calendar, and the first thing I’d do is list birthdays of friends and family. Somehow I got out of that habit. When I was addressing Christmas cards the other day, I paged through my address book (yes, I still have an actual address book). Every time I turned to a new page, I said to myself “he’s dead” or “she’s dead” or “they’re both dead”. I don’t know about you, but I can’t bring myself to get a new address book. That would mean not putting in names of friends and family who are no longer...

Getting Through The Holidays After Your Friend Dies

Getting Through The Holidays After Your Friend Dies
Nov 23, 2012 by Victoria Noe
I hated the holidays – Thanksgiving through Valentine’s Day – when I was single and not dating. I felt like it was the annual reminder from the universe that I was alone. Everyone had someone during the holidays except me. At least that’s what it felt like.It’s hard to lose a friend, whether they were our best friend, a co-worker, a neighbor, the girl whose locker was next to ours. The holidays are hard after you’ve lost a family member. But what about for those of us who have lost a friend?I’ve been reading articles about coping with grief during this festive time of year. Without exception, they focused on grieving a family member. Nothing wrong with that. I’ve had...

Friend Grief and the Holidays

Friend Grief and the Holidays
Dec 26, 2011 by Victoria Noe
I wasn’t going to write about grief and the holidays. There’s a lot out there already, by people much more knowledgeable than myself. But there’s not a lot out there about dealing with friend grief during the holidays. Is it different? Is grief just…grief?The thing that complicates friend grief at this time of year is the same thing that makes the holidays - at least theoretically - great: family.We are in the midst of several holidays - Thanksgiving (in the U.S.), Christmas, Hanukkah, New Year’s, and Valentine’s Day - that are family/romance oriented. These holidays are defined by family gatherings and traditions.Many of us take time during these holidays to remember family members who are no longer with us. In...

Why We Miss Our Friends During the Holidays

Why We Miss Our Friends During the Holidays
Dec 19, 2011 by Victoria Noe
We are in the final stretch now, before Hanukkah and Christmas. Many of us are running on adrenaline as we race to get everything bought, wrapped, cooked, served, addressed and mailed. We wonder sometimes why we’re making ourselves crazy for festivities that are over so quickly.We do it because…well, we’ve always done it, or we’ve let it get out of control. We do it for our families. We do it for the kids. And possibly, we’ll be able to stop and remember the true meaning of the holidays.Yes, the holidays are about family, no doubt about it. Friends are often pushed aside (family comes first).I remember coming home for Christmas or Thanksgiving and spending more time with my friends than...

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