Victoria Noe

Award-winning Author, Speaker, Activist

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Veterans in the War...Against AIDS

Veterans in the War...Against AIDS
Sep 18, 2014 by Victoria Noe
Last night I attended an emotional event at Gay Men’s Health Crisis, in commemoration of National HIV and Aging Day (September 18). “We Aren’t Dead Yet! What Do We Do Now?” was billed as a community discussion, with an impressive panel of experts: Dr. Judith Rabkin, Columbia University Dept. of Psychiatry and Dr. Perry Halkitis, professor at NYU and author of The AIDS Generation: Stories of Survival and Resilience spoke along with two long-time HIV+ survivors, Jim Albaugh and Kevin Oree, and my friend Jim Eigo, long-time HIV- survivor and fellow ACT UP NY activist.The event was held in order to get feedback on the kinds of support and services needed by this often-forgotten, often-stigmatized group of people in my...

National Suicide Prevention Month

National Suicide Prevention Month
Sep 17, 2013 by Victoria Noe
September is National Suicide Prevention Month, and if it seems like suicide is in the news more lately, there’s a reason for it. The numbers (not just awareness) are up and three groups of people seem most at risk: teenagers, military and Baby Boomers.We’ve known that teenagers are at risk for suicide for a long time. Raging hormones, pressure from parents and school, drugs and alcohol make a deadly combination. But a large number of suicides of teenagers – and even pre-teens – can be traced to bullying. Kids whose only crime is being different or being sensitive or smart or small for their age are hounded by bullies: on the school bus, on the internet, even getting text messages...

Watching Nelson Mandela Die

Watching Nelson Mandela Die
Jul 12, 2013 by Victoria Noe
There are few recognizable names that evoke as much respect as Nelson Mandela. His dignity and sense of purpose in changing his South Africa have inspired millions around the world. It pains me now to watch the news, not of his failing health, but of his very public, forced lingering. Now on a ventilator, he cannot speak, but also cannot die.No one wants to think about death. It’s probably the least popular topic of conversation imaginable. But talk about it we must, or risk complications beyond our imagination.Many people never put their wishes in writing. According to an online legal service, Rocket Lawyer, 71% of adults under 34 do not have a will; 41% of Baby Boomers do not....

Calling All Girlfriends!

Calling All Girlfriends!
May 11, 2012 by Victoria Noe
vintagesusie&wings.comI started out writing my book believing I knew one thing for sure: I’d have no trouble finding women to talk about grieving a friend.And that was true. But, as I’ve written here before, the men surprised me with their willingness not just to talk: sometimes they offered to talk, unsolicited. As a result, I currently have an imbalance of male/female stories in my book.Now I’m looking for more women to interview. I’m particularly looking for women who have grieved a friend (male or female) with the following special circumstances:            You’re a member of a religious community            You’re a first responder or militaryYou channeled your grief into action by supporting a cause that either helped your friend or was otherwise...

"Lots of Candles, Plenty of Cake"

"Lots of Candles, Plenty of Cake"
May 07, 2012 by Victoria Noe
I was fortunate to be in the audience for the Chicago Tribune’s sold out Printers Row Live event on Friday evening, a conversation with author Anna Quindlen.   Her new book, Lots of Candles, Plenty of Cake, is a thoroughly enjoyable reflection as she reaches a milestone birthday this summer: sixty.In the interest of full disclosure, I’ve been a fan of Quindlen’s for many years, and not just because we share a birthday. Her writings have spoken to a generation of women whose lives were defined by choices our mothers never enjoyed: choices that complicated as well as simplified our lives.In her latest book, Quindlen takes time to pause, to look at where she’s come from and where she’s...

The Good Men Project

The Good Men Project
Apr 28, 2012 by Victoria Noe
A friend of mine who works with a lot of men’s groups told me about The Good Men Project. It’s a great website where men (and the occasional woman) come together to discuss what it means to not just be a man, but a good man.Recently here I wrote about how my opinion had changed drastically, when considering how men grieve their friends. It received some really beautiful responses, here and elsewhere, including Porter Anderson’s Writing on the Ether: Engendering Grief.I took that basic article and submitted it to The Good Men Project, where it’s posted today. I hope you’ll stop by there to read it, but also to see what else they have to say.We all have expectations placed...

When Your Pain is Self-Inflicted

When Your Pain is Self-Inflicted
Mar 21, 2012 by Victoria Noe
Christopher MeeksAs we grow older, we lose more friends. It’s just the way it is. Call it “life”; “the law of averages”. Maybe you just think of it as “shit happens”.Author Christopher Meeks wrote on HuffPost50 about the death of his friend, Andy LaMarca. He begins by recounting Shakespeare’s “seven ages of man” from As You Like It.“There’s a stage that Shakespeare didn’t define, but it’s the decade where everyone you love starts dying.”It’s humbling and infuriating and too damn sad for words sometimes. “There is no answer to ‘is it fair?’” he says. “It just is.”As I’ve written here before, life has a way of detouring us, despite our best intentions. We get complacent (a nice euphemism for ‘lazy’)....

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