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grief police
Why Are We So Hard on Grievers?
Aug 03, 2016 by Victoria Noe
Most of us don’t grieve in public and frankly, that’s a relief. Anyone in the public eye who has experienced a loss is closely watched for…what? So we – strangers – can judge how they’re handling their grief. Do they cry at the drop of a hat or do they act as if nothing has happened?
I’ve been thinking about this a lot since I watched both the speech given by Khizr Khan at the Democratic National Convention last week and the reaction from around the country. Perhaps the only thing more impressive was his wife, Ghazala.
I listened to his words, but I watched her. The grief she experienced was obvious in her body language: tense, fragile, struggling for control. She’s...
I’ve been thinking about this a lot since I watched both the speech given by Khizr Khan at the Democratic National Convention last week and the reaction from around the country. Perhaps the only thing more impressive was his wife, Ghazala.
I listened to his words, but I watched her. The grief she experienced was obvious in her body language: tense, fragile, struggling for control. She’s...
Policing the Grief Police
Apr 15, 2014 by Victoria Noe
A couple weeks ago we considered the Grief Police. They’re the people who are more than willing to tell you how to grieve the death of your friend. In fact, they’re probably telling you that you’re making too big a deal out of it.I asked what people want to hear when a friend dies. It’s not really that different than what anyone who’s grieving wants to hear: a simple “I’m sorry” or “I’m glad to listen if you want to talk about it.” But those comments require a certain amount of empathy, basic human compassion. And frankly, not everyone is capable of that.So, how to respond when someone says something stupid like “it’s not like they were family”? I suppose,...
The Friend Grief Police
Mar 18, 2014 by Victoria Noe
You know who they are, because they made you feel like this.You tell them your friend died, and they probably said one of these things to you: “I know just how you feel. My dog died.’ “Aren’t you over that yet?”“You’re not crying, are you?”“It’s not like your mother died or something.” “Well, they were overweight/smoked/drank/did drugs.”Don’t you love people like that? Instead of just saying “I’m sorry”, they feel free to pass judgment – not just on how you grieve but that you grieve at all for your friend.They are usually self-appointed, though at times will hide behind religious vestments to justify their opinions. It’s okay to be hurt and angry. They just won’t understand. Ten people in the same place at...
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