Victoria Noe

Award-winning Author, Speaker, Activist




Don't Ask, Do Tell: A Response

Apr 30, 2012 by Victoria Noe
I wrote a blog post about a very sensitive subject: if you knew you were dying, would you tell your friends?Most people were clear that they’d want to know if a friend of theirs was dying. But most people wouldn’t want to share similar news about themselves.One of the comments I received deserved more than a quick response on the blog post. This is it:I have cancer. Telling people was harder than dealing with the disease. The look of devastation on my best friend’s face cut right through my heart. After that, I avoided telling people as long as possible – dealing with their hurt and anxiety on top of the turmoil of emotions and fears I was carrying already...

Mars and Venus Grieve Their Friends

Mars and Venus Grieve Their Friends
Mar 14, 2012 by Victoria Noe
Many books have been written about the differences between men and women, especially regarding relationships. Mostly, they focus on romantic relationships. Some consider friendships: girlfriends and “the guys”. If you asked a group of people if men grieve differently, I’m guessing most would say yes. They’d insist that men work through their grief by doing things: keeping up with familiar routines or running errands for the family of their friend who died.They may insist just as strongly that women talk through their feelings. Men are assumed to not want to verbalize their grief, much less share it.Well, that described my opinion. When I started interviewing people for my book, I approached the men with pre-conceived notions about how they’d respond....

“Old Friends Make Life’s Voyage a Pleasure Cruise”

“Old Friends Make Life’s Voyage a Pleasure Cruise”
Nov 02, 2011 by Victoria Noe
 Eric Zorn If you ever wondered why friends are so important to us - men and women alike - just read Eric Zorn’s column in today’s Chicago Tribune.It points out what I’ve tried to explain in this blog: our grief when they die is unlike other types of grief. When you read his column, you think, “Well, of course, they would mourn for each other”. And I’m sure they will. But that kind of experience - friend grief - is often dismissed as unimportant, lacking in comparison to grieving a family member.But love is love, and when someone we love dies, we mourn them. Our hearts don’t care about titles or legal relationships. All we know is that the world...