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friends
Worrying About Your Friends
Apr 16, 2012 by Victoria Noe
I don’t know about you, but I’m getting tired of finding out about the deaths of friends. It’s not that I was close to all of them, but they were still a part of my life at some time. So I decided to revisit this post from last spring, because it’s still true.At the end of the morning roll call on the 80’s hit Hill Street Blues, Phil would always remind his comrades “let’s be careful out there.”They were cops. They knew every day could be their last.Not everyone lives that consciously, certainly not when they’re younger.But the truth of the matter is, the world is a dangerous place. Stuff happens, no matter where you live.We can eat healthy foods,...
A Bucket List Contest
Apr 06, 2012 by Victoria Noe
Friends having a partyEveryone loves a contest, the chance to win something they want. Millions of people buy lottery tickets every week, knowing full well the odds are against them. But it gives them time to dream. It’s not surprising that when the media interview people buying tickets for a particularly large lottery prize, they always know what they’d do with the money: quit their job, travel around the world, put their grandchildren through college. No one ever says “I’ve never really thought about it” because everyone can fantasize about what they’d do with millions of dollars.Not all dreams are big. Some are simpler, smaller: take your family on a real vacation, get that swimming pool for the backyard, give...
One Way to Avoid Regrets: International Friendship Day
Jul 20, 2011 by Victoria Noe
Kristie West’s 30-Day Challenge - http://www.kristiewest.com/ - is all about showing appreciation now for the important people in your life.I started it myself on Monday, and it’s a refreshingly painless way to begin a new (good) habit. Telling your friends what they mean to you has no downside. It also got me thinking again about regrets: about how the grief we feel when our friends die is sometimes compounded by the sadness we feel about what we never did. We never told them how much they meant to us. We never took that trip together. We never…well, you get the idea.An Australian group, Global Friendship, celebrates International Friendship Day on the first Sunday in August, this year on the 7th....
“Let Us Learn to Show Our Friendship…”
Jun 21, 2011 by Victoria Noe
My high school reunion - 2010“Let us learn to show our friendship for a man when he is alive and not after he is dead.” – F. Scott Fitzgerald I heard that line while watching a rerun of Law & Order: UK, and I thought it was perfect for the topic of grieving the death of a friend.As I’ve interviewed people for my book, there is one subject that raises genuine passion. They’re telling me the story of a friend who has died. Sometimes there is a lot of pain: they were shut out by the family, maybe not even notified; they were not allowed access to their friend while they were dying. Maybe they couldn’t get off work to...
The Gift of Saying Goodbye
Mar 21, 2011 by Victoria Noe
My husband and I recently visited a friend who’s dying. His partner has been keeping a group of us up to date on their situation, and on a Saturday afternoon, we were able to visit them. We weren’t alone; two other friends had flown into Chicago from Dallas and Seattle.Our friend looks awful (so does his partner), but for a few minutes, the old energy and sense of humor were back. We all had a lovely visit, though brief.Yes, it was uncomfortable, and yes, it was undeniably sad.But what a gift it was, too.The gift was not just that we were able to see him, probably for the last time.The gift was that we were allowed to see him.Too often,...
"My Name is Alex"
Feb 18, 2011 by Victoria Noe
Family Ties was a successful sitcom in that ran on CBS from 1982-1989 A family led by parents who’d been hippies in the ‘60’s included one son, a conservative Republican, played by Michael J. Fox.Arguably its most famous story is “My Name is Alex” from the fifth season. Performed live in two back-to-back episodes, the second with no commercial breaks, it opens with the Keaton parents and their two older children returning from the funeral of Alex’ best friend, Greg. The parents are concerned about their son’s reaction to what has happened. Indeed, Alex is a model of forced cheerfulness.When he’s alone, Greg appears to him – a real, physical presence, cracking jokes about how being dead is a great...
Like a Brother (or Sister) to Me
Feb 16, 2011 by Victoria Noe
When a tragedy occurs – natural disasters, 9/11 – my reaction is to soak up the media coverage. I need to understand what happened – the how and the why. Not everybody feels that way; some people prefer to stay as detached as possible. Some things have become cliché when people are interviewed about those who have died. One we often hear in describing a friend who has died is ‘he was like a brother to me’. Certain groups – like firefighters or police officers – refer to those with whom they work as ‘brothers’ and ‘sisters’. They work together, have each other’s backs, sometimes live together. They’re more than ‘just’ friends. I’m not sure when it was – probably...
