Victoria Noe

Award-winning Author, Speaker, Activist

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Be My Guest on Friend Grief

Be My Guest on Friend Grief
May 08, 2014 by Victoria Noe
James Montgomery FlaggIn addition to interviewing people for my books, from time to time, I invite people to share their experience grieving the death of a friend. Now is one of those times.Oh, you’d like to, but you’re not a professional writer? Don’t let that hold you back! Would you feel more comfortable simply answering a series of questions? We can do that!In general, here are the requirements:The experience you describe must be related to the death of a friend. They don’t have to be a close friend, nor does the loss need to be recent. It just has to be about a friend – not a family member or pet.If you choose to write it yourself, I’d like something...

My Writing Group

My Writing Group
Apr 04, 2013 by Victoria Noe
markdivincenzowriter.com In the fall of 2006, a flyer from Swedish Covenant Hospital arrived in the mail. Among the events listed was a class in life story writing. It was just over a year after my father died, and coupled with my being the family genealogist, I decided it was time to start writing down the stories I’d heard all my life.We were a group of about a dozen or so, mostly women, mostly older. The leader was a retired creative writing teacher from Northwestern University. Each week we read something we’d written, and the group critiqued it. I’d not had any of my writing critiqued since college, so it was a little unsettling. And at the time, the idea of writing...

Writing About Depressing Stuff

Writing About Depressing Stuff
Sep 18, 2012 by Victoria Noe
I’ve written before about how writing about grief can affect you, but I think it’s worth revisiting, in a little broader sense.There are people who cringe when I tell them what most of my writing is about. I understand their feeling that grief is “depressing”. But there are many whose work could be classified that way:            Hospice volunteers            AIDS outreach workers            Oncologists            First respondersI had a friend whose job was to fire people in her company (I hate “lay off” – let’s call it what it is). I thought she had an incredibly depressing job, but she didn’t think so. She was so considerate about how she handled each person that they often wound up sympathizing with her.I’ve also met...

Christopher Hitchens’ Final Gift

Christopher Hitchens’ Final Gift
Aug 30, 2012 by Victoria Noe
Christopher HitchensMy friend, Delle, referred to her cancer as ‘the old squatter.’Christopher Hitchens referred to his as a ‘blind, emotionless alien’. Though his cancer may have been emotionless, Hitchens is anything but in his remarkable final book, Mortality, being released on September 4. Those familiar with his work may be surprised by how vulnerable he is, as he shares his diagnosis of esophageal cancer.Anyone who has had cancer, or known someone who had cancer, will instantly relate to this book. He’s not shy about documenting the horrors endured by the body in pursuit of a cure, brutally honest about the treatment, the side effects and the emotional toll. You can’t help but cringe as he recounts the agony of a...

Friend Grief at the Bloggers Ball – Take 5

Jul 23, 2011 by Victoria Noe
Welcome She Writers to the Friend Grief stop on the latest Bloggers Ball!Some of you have been here before; some of you are visiting for the first time. I encourage you to browse the archives here, as well as this post.Writing is hard.Writing about difficult subjects is harder.I wasn’t sure I was up for it.But those who follow this blog, the She Writers and the posse I’ve gathered have encouraged me and sustained me when I felt I was in over my head.Once a month I write about 9/11, and also about the AIDS epidemic. I share stories about people who are struggling as they grieve their friends, and about those who have made major life changes because of that...

What Else I Learned Writing a Book about Friend Grief

Jul 18, 2011 by Victoria Noe
When I posted last week about what I’ve learned in this now almost two-year book project, I had the feeling I was forgetting something. It took a day, but it finally popped into my head:I forgot to tell what I’ve learned about writing.Last week I concentrated on the grief aspect, the subject matter, the people I interviewed (not that there’s anything wrong with that). But this is my first book, and I’m learning by doing. Some things have come easily; some not so easily.I knew why I was writing the book. In its simplest form, I was keeping a promise to my friend, Delle. What was harder was coming to terms with who was writing the book and what it...

Things I’ve Learned Writing a Book about Friend Grief

Jul 13, 2011 by Victoria Noe
It’s been five years since I promised my friend, Delle, I’d write a book about dealing with the death of a friend; almost two years since its form finally became clear to me. I’d already spent over two years mulling it over, writing in fits and starts (mostly fits) before hitting the wall. I’d given up, but one day, it was just there like magic; or karma.I began by researching the whole phenomenon of “disenfranchised grief”: grief that is not acknowledged or respected. Grieving the death of a friend certainly fit the definition. I already knew from personal experience that while everyone at some point will experience the death of a friend, most people are not very sympathetic of others’...

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