Blog
Inspired by a Friend's Death
Aug 16, 2017 by Victoria Noe
It’s a great feature, isn’t it, when Facebook reminds you of a friend’s birthday? We all get caught up in our daily lives and sometimes we forget, so I’m all for anything that helps. It didn’t feel so great last week, though, when it reminded me of Jo Stewart’s birthday. Jo died last year.
Jo was the leader of my first writing group: poet, creative writing professor, force of nature. The group grew out of a life-story writing class because we got along and didn’t want to stop meeting. It lasted six years, until Penny died. The rest of us didn’t feel like meeting without her. The last time I saw Jo, at a holiday lunch for the second group she...
Setting Your Goals for a Writing Conference
Aug 09, 2017 by Victoria Noe
My first Pitch Slam
Yesterday I told my daughter, “I need to get my shit together about this trip.” The trip I leave for in a week is to New York. I wasn’t referring to packing. What I need to get together are my goals for part of that trip.
I’ll be there about a week, with interviews scheduled for my next book (Fag Hags, Divas and Moms: The Legacy of Straight Women in the AIDS Community). These will be some of my last face-to-face interviews before I settle down to start writing. I’ve already sat down with about thirty women, so I’m not worried about a lot of preparation for these. It’s the...
Facebook and Friend Grief
Aug 02, 2017 by Victoria Noe
They seem to come in waves, don’t they? Sometimes it feels like all your friends are getting married or having babies. Your calendar is filled with shopping, christenings, weddings and showers. And then there are the times when it feels like your friends are all dying.
Facebook has always been a good news/bad news kind of social media site. One day you love it for connecting you with long-lost friends or keeping you up to date on the latest in their lives. Other days you hate it for the annoying humble bragging posts that set your teeth on edge.
So far this summer two friends of mine have died. Both were women I worked with long ago, in two different professions, from...
Facebook has always been a good news/bad news kind of social media site. One day you love it for connecting you with long-lost friends or keeping you up to date on the latest in their lives. Other days you hate it for the annoying humble bragging posts that set your teeth on edge.
So far this summer two friends of mine have died. Both were women I worked with long ago, in two different professions, from...
The People in My Books
Jul 27, 2017 by Victoria Noe
Brooke Russell Astor Reading Room - New York Public Library
While writing the Friend Grief series and now while writing Fag Hags, Divas and Moms: The Legacy of Straight Women in the AIDS Community, a lot of people have asked how I go about finding the people who wind up in my books.
I wish I could say I had a well thought out plan that follows a logical step-by-step process. But I don’t. I may give the appearance of being super-organized, but most of the time I feel like I’m in the eye of the hurricane.
I’m not going to lie: my least favorite class in grad school was Introduction to Graduate Research. I hated it because it...
While writing the Friend Grief series and now while writing Fag Hags, Divas and Moms: The Legacy of Straight Women in the AIDS Community, a lot of people have asked how I go about finding the people who wind up in my books.
I wish I could say I had a well thought out plan that follows a logical step-by-step process. But I don’t. I may give the appearance of being super-organized, but most of the time I feel like I’m in the eye of the hurricane.
I’m not going to lie: my least favorite class in grad school was Introduction to Graduate Research. I hated it because it...
Writer with a To-Do List
Jul 19, 2017 by Victoria Noe
I’m sitting here at Panera, breakfast sandwich eaten, ice tea at hand. My computer’s on, my to-do list is front of me.
And I’m paralyzed.
Not literally (no pun intended). I can move. My brain just can’t decide what to do.
Should I follow up on that article that a website requested? Should I pitch a presentation to a library? Should I invite someone to lunch to pick their brain about a marketing idea? Should I score the essays I read for the contest I’m judging?
No?
Well, then, should I finish one of the six books I’m reading for research on my next book? Should I schedule tweets and Facebook posts? Should I reach out to someone on another continent on collaborating? Should...
Not literally (no pun intended). I can move. My brain just can’t decide what to do.
Should I follow up on that article that a website requested? Should I pitch a presentation to a library? Should I invite someone to lunch to pick their brain about a marketing idea? Should I score the essays I read for the contest I’m judging?
No?
Well, then, should I finish one of the six books I’m reading for research on my next book? Should I schedule tweets and Facebook posts? Should I reach out to someone on another continent on collaborating? Should...
Do Writers Take Summer Vacation?
Jul 13, 2017 by Victoria Noe
ebooks4writers.com
Remember summer vacation?
Back in the days when I was a fundraising consultant, the period from Thanksgiving to mid-January was my slow time. End of the year direct mail appears had already gone out, events were wrapped up, grant proposal deadlines met. I don’t remember taking time off, though. I used those weeks to create my marketing plan for the coming year and try to get my paperwork in order for taxes. Just how long that down time lasted depended on how good a year my clients had: the worse their end-of-year numbers, the earlier they called me in January.
Now that I’m writing, I don’t have a clear down time. There are a lot of writing conferences,...
Remember summer vacation?
Back in the days when I was a fundraising consultant, the period from Thanksgiving to mid-January was my slow time. End of the year direct mail appears had already gone out, events were wrapped up, grant proposal deadlines met. I don’t remember taking time off, though. I used those weeks to create my marketing plan for the coming year and try to get my paperwork in order for taxes. Just how long that down time lasted depended on how good a year my clients had: the worse their end-of-year numbers, the earlier they called me in January.
Now that I’m writing, I don’t have a clear down time. There are a lot of writing conferences,...
How This Writer Found Her Street Team
Jun 29, 2017 by Victoria Noe
writingforward.com
I knew next to nothing when I seriously committed to writing. An impulsive idea - to write a book about people grieving their friends - led to a series of six small books. The writers I knew all wrote romance or historical fiction, not nonfiction. I had no contacts. So I did what I’d done in my previous careers: I researched online and off. I attended my first writing conference. I took online courses. I joined a writing group. And all of that helped. But the thing that helped the most was not deliberate, not part of any grandiose career plan: I built a street team.
I had to push any ego aside, which was easier than...
I knew next to nothing when I seriously committed to writing. An impulsive idea - to write a book about people grieving their friends - led to a series of six small books. The writers I knew all wrote romance or historical fiction, not nonfiction. I had no contacts. So I did what I’d done in my previous careers: I researched online and off. I attended my first writing conference. I took online courses. I joined a writing group. And all of that helped. But the thing that helped the most was not deliberate, not part of any grandiose career plan: I built a street team.
I had to push any ego aside, which was easier than...
When Life Gets in the Way of Writing
Jun 22, 2017 by Victoria Noe
lovingonme.com
If you've read this blog for any length of time, you know I've spent almost two years working on a new book. Fag Hags. Divas and Moms: The Legacy of Straight Women in the AIDS Community has taken on a life of its own. What started as a nagging idea turned into what I fully admit is an obsession to share important, previously-unknown stories of straight women around the world throughout the history of the epidemic.
Big project, right? I knew from the beginning it would be, but with each passing month it seemed to grow in scope and importance. Strangers around the world offered assistance. Interviewees laughed...
If you've read this blog for any length of time, you know I've spent almost two years working on a new book. Fag Hags. Divas and Moms: The Legacy of Straight Women in the AIDS Community has taken on a life of its own. What started as a nagging idea turned into what I fully admit is an obsession to share important, previously-unknown stories of straight women around the world throughout the history of the epidemic.
Big project, right? I knew from the beginning it would be, but with each passing month it seemed to grow in scope and importance. Strangers around the world offered assistance. Interviewees laughed...
How Long Should You Grieve Your Friend?
Jun 14, 2017 by Victoria Noe
You know how it is: a conversation, a song, a place triggers a memory of your friend. Your first thought may be "I haven't thought about that in years". Your second - and third and fourth and fifth - thought is about your friend and the hole in your life since they died.
We don't do grief well. It's messy and uncomfortable and all too clear a reminder of our own mortality. So we do what most of us do best: we push it aside. We assign time limits - seven days sitting shiva, three days off from work for the death of a parent (probably none for a friend). When those around us don't conform to our desire to return...
Pride and Pulse: One Year Later
Jun 08, 2017 by Victoria Noe
Monday is the first anniversary of the massacre at the Pulse nightclub in Orlando, where 49 people were murdered and 58 others were injured.
The shooting happened during Pride Month, when members of the LGBT community, long driven underground, celebrate their freedom to love.
Pride is rooted in the Stonewall riots, not celebrations. During the plague years of the AIDS epidemic, Pride parades were one of the few opportunities to get the media to focus on the desperation of those times (though the film footage was almost always of the most outrageously dressed participants). In cities across the US, Pride parades included contingents from organizations that could help people get tested and treated. The bonus was always free condoms, tossed by...
The shooting happened during Pride Month, when members of the LGBT community, long driven underground, celebrate their freedom to love.
Pride is rooted in the Stonewall riots, not celebrations. During the plague years of the AIDS epidemic, Pride parades were one of the few opportunities to get the media to focus on the desperation of those times (though the film footage was almost always of the most outrageously dressed participants). In cities across the US, Pride parades included contingents from organizations that could help people get tested and treated. The bonus was always free condoms, tossed by...
HIV Long-Term Survivors Awareness Day
May 31, 2017 by Victoria Noe
June 5 is HIV Long-Term Survivors Awareness Day, so I’m sharing my essay, "Long-Term Survivor", that won the 2015 Christopher Hewitt Award for Creative Nonfiction from A&U Magazine. Since then I’ve written more and presented on the topic of moral injury in long-term survivors, something that is close to my heart. We can’t help each other until we recognize the challenges. And for me, that meant admitting that I had challenges, too.
Long-Term Survivor
It’s only the past few years that that designation has become widely used. Hell, no one expected it would ever be possible. There was a time when my only prayer was to get through a week without reading the obituary of someone I knew or admired from afar.
Since...
Long-Term Survivor
It’s only the past few years that that designation has become widely used. Hell, no one expected it would ever be possible. There was a time when my only prayer was to get through a week without reading the obituary of someone I knew or admired from afar.
Since...
The Ripples of Our Audience
May 24, 2017 by Victoria Noe
Writers are always aware that we have an audience, and not just when we’re writing.
We all - no matter how we publish - create marketing plans. Often, when asked who our audience is, insist it’s ‘everyone’. But that’s not realistic or workable as a plan.
We debate the effectiveness of Facebook ads vs. newsletter offers, Amazon promotions vs. Goodreads giveaways. We have at least a pretty good idea of who our audience is: gender, age, geographic location, interests. But sometimes we can still be surprised.
I was in Boston earlier this month, speaking at The Muse and the Marketplace writing conference. It was a cold, dreary, rain-soaked weekend outside the Park Plaza Hotel, but energetic and stimulating inside.
Towards the end of the...
We debate the effectiveness of Facebook ads vs. newsletter offers, Amazon promotions vs. Goodreads giveaways. We have at least a pretty good idea of who our audience is: gender, age, geographic location, interests. But sometimes we can still be surprised.
I was in Boston earlier this month, speaking at The Muse and the Marketplace writing conference. It was a cold, dreary, rain-soaked weekend outside the Park Plaza Hotel, but energetic and stimulating inside.
Towards the end of the...
Public Speaking for Shy Authors - Part 2
May 18, 2017 by Victoria Noe
I recently gave a presentation at The Muse and the Marketplace writing conference in Boston: "Public Speaking for Painfully Shy Authors". It’s a terrific weekend that I highly recommend to any author committed to improving their craft and career.
My presentation was in the first block after the opening keynote, which turned out to be great. Everyone was awake and energized and eager to learn. I greeted everyone as they arrived and asked if there was anything specific they were interested in learning. That gave me a chance to figure out ways to make sure the presentation met their needs.
The description in the program promised that there would be time for two or three people to be guinea pigs: stand in...
My presentation was in the first block after the opening keynote, which turned out to be great. Everyone was awake and energized and eager to learn. I greeted everyone as they arrived and asked if there was anything specific they were interested in learning. That gave me a chance to figure out ways to make sure the presentation met their needs.
The description in the program promised that there would be time for two or three people to be guinea pigs: stand in...
Release Day (Again) for Friend Grief and AIDS
May 02, 2017 by Victoria Noe
I checked the calendar, so I know it’s true. It’s been four years since I published Friend Grief and AIDS: Thirty Years of Burying Our Friends. A lot has happened since then.
Some of the most recognizable people in the AIDS community, like Peter Staley and Jim Eigo, have become friends. I’ve attended AIDS conferences and meetings in New York, Chicago and Washington. I joined ACT UP/NY. I wrote freelance articles about the epidemic and won an award for one (2015 Christopher Hewitt Award for Creative Nonfiction). I make presentations about the epidemic and moral injury in long-term survivors. And I made a commitment to another, much longer book.
And though my life changed keeping the promise I made to my friend...
Some of the most recognizable people in the AIDS community, like Peter Staley and Jim Eigo, have become friends. I’ve attended AIDS conferences and meetings in New York, Chicago and Washington. I joined ACT UP/NY. I wrote freelance articles about the epidemic and won an award for one (2015 Christopher Hewitt Award for Creative Nonfiction). I make presentations about the epidemic and moral injury in long-term survivors. And I made a commitment to another, much longer book.
And though my life changed keeping the promise I made to my friend...
Self-Care for Writers: Put Yourself First
Apr 26, 2017 by Victoria Noe
joyfuljourneymom.com
When I started writing, I was determined to not be afraid to ask for help. I’m sure I was beyond annoying, asking about conferences to attend, software to use, metadata. But there was one thing I did not ask about: how to take care of myself.
On the surface, one would think it’s unnecessary to do anything different just because you’re a writer. Everyone should get a decent amount of sleep, eat healthy, stay active. Writing is solitary and easily isolating, so social contact is important, online or in person. I asked a number of writers how they do it.
Environmental: Most surprising to me was that self-care to some meant the act of writing itself. They created...
When I started writing, I was determined to not be afraid to ask for help. I’m sure I was beyond annoying, asking about conferences to attend, software to use, metadata. But there was one thing I did not ask about: how to take care of myself.
On the surface, one would think it’s unnecessary to do anything different just because you’re a writer. Everyone should get a decent amount of sleep, eat healthy, stay active. Writing is solitary and easily isolating, so social contact is important, online or in person. I asked a number of writers how they do it.
Environmental: Most surprising to me was that self-care to some meant the act of writing itself. They created...
Public Speaking for Shy Authors
Apr 20, 2017 by Victoria Noe
thebigrocks.com
There are a lot of shy authors out there. They just want to sit at their computer and write. They might be willing to be active on social media, but the thought of being in public terrifies them. In fact, there's a name for it: glossophobia.
It’s not that they have anything to be ashamed of: their books are good, even great. They have fascinating stories to share about their writing process, their travels and their challenges. But give a reading...in public..in front of...people? No way. Unless you’re J.D. Salinger, this is not a good strategy.
Several years ago I was at a writing conference. I grabbed a seat near the stage because I was excited to finally...
There are a lot of shy authors out there. They just want to sit at their computer and write. They might be willing to be active on social media, but the thought of being in public terrifies them. In fact, there's a name for it: glossophobia.
It’s not that they have anything to be ashamed of: their books are good, even great. They have fascinating stories to share about their writing process, their travels and their challenges. But give a reading...in public..in front of...people? No way. Unless you’re J.D. Salinger, this is not a good strategy.
Several years ago I was at a writing conference. I grabbed a seat near the stage because I was excited to finally...
The Grief That Takes You by Surprise
Apr 12, 2017 by Victoria Noe
They seem to come in waves. You go for months, even years, when no one close to you dies. And then, bam: two or three or four in a matter of weeks. I remember a year when everyone I knew seemed to lose a parent, including me. But lately I’ve heard from several people who have lost a best friend.
“I’m angry,” insisted the minister in The Big Chill. “And I don’t know what to do with my anger.” These people feel a lot like that minister.
We expect those older than us – grandparents, parents, aunts and uncles – to die before us. But no one anticipates losing their friends. Some of those losses are normal: as we age, those around...
“I’m angry,” insisted the minister in The Big Chill. “And I don’t know what to do with my anger.” These people feel a lot like that minister.
We expect those older than us – grandparents, parents, aunts and uncles – to die before us. But no one anticipates losing their friends. Some of those losses are normal: as we age, those around...
Five Things I Learned Interviewing People for My Books
Apr 05, 2017 by Victoria Noe
greenhouse.io
When I started work on the Friend Grief series, I was only sure of one thing: they would be a mix of interviews and research. They would tell the stories of men and women who struggled to deal with the death of a friend; sometimes many friends.
The first time I ever interviewed anyone was in 1976. I was in New York doing research for my master’s degree project, the development of director-choreographers in American musical theatre. I sat in Bob Fosse’s living room near Carnegie Hall and discussed his career. I don’t remember much, though I’m sure my notes are in a box somewhere. But he was gracious with his time, and for that I’ll always...
When I started work on the Friend Grief series, I was only sure of one thing: they would be a mix of interviews and research. They would tell the stories of men and women who struggled to deal with the death of a friend; sometimes many friends.
The first time I ever interviewed anyone was in 1976. I was in New York doing research for my master’s degree project, the development of director-choreographers in American musical theatre. I sat in Bob Fosse’s living room near Carnegie Hall and discussed his career. I don’t remember much, though I’m sure my notes are in a box somewhere. But he was gracious with his time, and for that I’ll always...
Women's History Month - AIDSWatch
Mar 28, 2017 by Victoria Noe
I planned to turn over my blog again this week to another straight woman in the AIDS community. That particular post will have to wait a bit. Instead I thought it would be better to report on my day (the first of two) in Washington, DC at AIDSWatch. It's no accident, in my mind, that the conference is presented by the Elizabeth Taylor AIDS Foundation, named for once of the fiercest advocates in the history of the epidemic.
I went last year, joining a few hundred people from around the country to advocate for funding and legislation important to people living with HIV and AIDS. It was my first time lobbying in the capitol since 1989, when I advocated for the...
I went last year, joining a few hundred people from around the country to advocate for funding and legislation important to people living with HIV and AIDS. It was my first time lobbying in the capitol since 1989, when I advocated for the...
Women's History Month - Susan Freed
Mar 22, 2017 by Victoria Noe
Photo from The Advocate
It’s natural for people to assume that my book (Fag Hags, Divas and Moms: The Legacy of Straight Women in the AIDS Community) is about women who work(ed) in the community: nurses, social workers, researchers, nonprofit executives.
But a large number do/did get involved as volunteers. Maybe they were drawn in by the illness and death of someone close to them. Or they just saw an opportunity to make a difference: to build on the diversity of the community and give back. Los Angeles resident Susan Freed, a Bank of America vice president, shared her experience June 22, 2016 in The Advocate.
I just completed my third AIDS/LifeCycle, a 545-mile, seven-day bike ride from San...
It’s natural for people to assume that my book (Fag Hags, Divas and Moms: The Legacy of Straight Women in the AIDS Community) is about women who work(ed) in the community: nurses, social workers, researchers, nonprofit executives.
But a large number do/did get involved as volunteers. Maybe they were drawn in by the illness and death of someone close to them. Or they just saw an opportunity to make a difference: to build on the diversity of the community and give back. Los Angeles resident Susan Freed, a Bank of America vice president, shared her experience June 22, 2016 in The Advocate.
I just completed my third AIDS/LifeCycle, a 545-mile, seven-day bike ride from San...
Author photo by Alina Oswald
Follow Me:
Follow on Facebook
Follow on LinkedIn
Follow on Instagram
Follow on BookBub
Follow on Amazon
Follow on YouTube
Now Available
